Sometimes…

Sometimes I still cry…

I still grieve. I hurt for the loss of pieces of me that I might have, at some point believed, made me feel whole and vibrant.

It’s as if I were made of clay. A piece of pottery strong and deep enough to hold so much! Yet, too fragile for the exposure of exterior experiences. Weathered out, shoved, pushed, or thrown into spaces, beaten in ways that could’ve left me completely shattered.

Sometimes I still cry…

Because even as I’m not completely broken, the Core of me remains. Worn out and tired, I find myself weaker with each passing day.

Because pieces of me have broken off leaving cracks, cuts, holes, and gaps too wide to repair.

Because the pain of my insisting that I must learn to live, love, and accept my imperfections, my incompleteness, my not enough-ness; is deep and hurtful.

Because the question: “Was I ever perfect, complete or enough?” shows up more and more each passing day with a torturing silenced no-answer.

Sometimes I still cry… I am grieving

The loss of my innocence.

What was left of it?

The part of me that felt as if I knew how to trust ever so naturally.

The part of me that felt as if I had faith in things and life as a whole.

The part of me that felt as if I was just beginning to hear my little big voice of truth.

The part of me that felt as if I was just beginning to step up and step out to be seen and heard.

The part of me that felt as if I was filled with curiosity and enthusiasm.

The part of me that felt as if I had just begun to explore my sense of inner freedom.

The part of me that used to see self-doubt as waves in the ocean that I could swim through, effortlessly.

The part of me that felt as if I was just beginning to FEEL openly and freely Self-expressed!

The part of me that longed for clarity, understanding, acknowledgement or enjoyment of my own light.

The part of me that was beginning to face a willingness to embrace my very own personal shadows.

Yes…Sometimes, I still cry.

It’s as if Those parts of me have been chipping off like pieces of dry beaten clay.

And I grieve…as I look for ways to accept that some things, are meant to stay broken, scarred, or incomplete.

I grieve and I struggle to accept or get settled in the idea that those pieces of me have served their purpose and I no longer need them……

But still, I cry.

Sometimes.

A True Plea…

Dear Universe,

I ask that you please help me…

Heal that part of me that still hurts
Heal that part of me that still expects
Heal that part of me that still wants
Heal that part of me that still attaches
Heal that part of me that still wishes
Heal that part of me that still expects
Heal that part of me that still forgets
Heal that part of me that still regrets
Heal that part of me that still gets confused
Heal that part of me that still ignores
Heal that part of me that still cries
Heal that part of me that still expects
Heal that part of me that still doubts You
Heal that part of me that still lashes out
Heal that part of me that still hides
Heal that part of me that still runs
Heal that part of me that still expects
Heal that part of me that still avoids

Heal the Ego/Human part of me that has kept me from seeing The Divine Truth…

Help me remember that I am Safe
Help me remember that I am Worthy
Help me remember that I am Loveable
Help me remember that I am Wonderful
Help me remember that I am True
Help me remember that I am Valuable
Help me remember that I am Deserving
Help me remember that I am Worthy
Help me remember that I am Strong
Help me remember that I am Kind
Help me remember that I am Compassionate
Help me remember that I am Creative
Help me remember that I am Thoughtful
Help me remember that I am Spirit
Help me remember that I am Worthy
Help me remember that I am Loving
Help me remember that I am Complete

(In reviewing the above, I found it interesting that I repeated the words ‘expects’ and ‘worthy’ … hmm🤔)

More specifically, help me Let Go. Help me start Living and Thriving.

With all that I know needs healing and all that I need to remember, help me see that no matter what I choose, no matter what happens, no matter what comes or goes, no matter what ends or begins, no matter who stays or leaves, the joy in me will continue to shine through.

I Am ready to be and feel completely alive with My Self!

April 12, 1966

Happy Birthday to you, baby…

My precious birthday girl
What do you want to say to me?
It’s your 52nd birthday??
You were born in ’66?

My precious birthday girl
What do you want me to know?
To remember that you’re there,
Wanting me to love you more?

Happy birthday to you! baby,
In those moments when you smile
Happy birthday to you baby,
When in love or in denial.

Do you want some birthday cake?
Filled with strawberries and cream?
Will it help release your tears?
Will it suffocate your scream!?

What about your favorite ice cream?
Tangy lemon sounds so good
Just like the many reminders
Bitter sweet lessons unlearned.

Happy birthday to you! baby,
When you speak and I don’t listen
Happy birthday to you baby,
When awakened, are you sleeping?

What about the birthday presents?!
Everything you never wished for
The surprises not so pleasant
Nicely wrapped with pretty ribbons

Do you have a favorite place?
That you would like me to see?
You want me to play in the world?
I’m really good at hide-and-go-seek!

Happy birthday to you! baby,
When you’re feeling so alone
Happy birthday to you baby,
When you just want to belong.

Tell me now, my precious girl,
What do you want me to say?
Do you want me to just listen?
Are you still feeling afraid?

Forgive me, my birthday girl
For ignoring you so much
For not listening to you
For not holding you enough.

Happy birthday to you! baby,
When you witness my heart breaking
Happy birthday to you baby,
When some joy comforts some aching

What do you want me to promise?
You know I don’t like that word
I would rather you remind me
LOUD! So, you can be heard!!

This is such a special day
To be grateful and celebrate
The love you freely express
When you’re not hiding or when you’re distressed

Happy birthday to you! baby,
In moments when you reach out
Happy birthday to you baby,
I will still be here, somehow.

My precious birthday girl,
It’s just one more of those times
When things feel heavy and intense
Where uncertainty resides

My precious birthday girl,
Am I listening to you?
While I overthink some more?
In the midst of solitude?

Happy birthday to you! baby,
Are you feeling so exposed?
Happy birthday to you baby,
Maybe this is just a hoax . . .?

Completely Exposed

twin-flame-stages-3

My secret love is not so secret. It’s evidently showing up in the way I see, in my breathing, in my speaking, in my writing, in my singing, in my learning of the flow that must continue.

My secret love is not so secret because the way my body reacts in his presence is undeniably delicious and I give into his touch, the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes, and the feel of his Soul.

My secret love is not so secret. It takes me over from the inside and out like a cleansing breath that exposes all my truths, my fears, my doubts, my excuses, and masks, leaving me vulnerably loved and caressed.

merging

My secret love is not so secret. He and I know that our experience together is being shared with the world in strong and unseen ways.

My secret love is not so secret. We are in an open captive space that freely allows our loving energy, and our contribution to make a difference, to flow freely in every direction possible.

My secret love is not so secret. Divine forces re-directed our paths, reuniting us to weave our tired Souls into each other.

two half fires

My secret love is not so secret. That which cannot be described, measured, or seen decided we were ready to finally meet.

My secret love is not so secret. Only ‘Special Eyes’ can see that our Deep Love keeps us from being seen. We flow in ways that can only be felt by what we do separately and together.

My secret love is not so secret. We are Divinely protected and watched over by bigger eyes and deeper forces. Only those in tune with such power can clearly see, that my secret love, is not so secret.

contracts

 

Como Fue

pv mex

¿Como Fue
Puerto Vallarta,
qué me enamore?
Descubrí
En Tu Belleza
El amor en mi

¿Como Fue
Puerto Vallarta,
que Te Pude Ver?
Y sentir
Sutil Etéreo
Y Descanso en ti

La brisa de tus mares — Me sonrió
Siluetas femeninas — Con Candor
Bellezas tan Divinas — Del Amor
Entretejen tus raíces dentro de mi

Caminos y Senderos — Recorrí
Llenaron de energía — Mi sentir
La Esperanza viva
Que en mi Alma contigo siento

Ni distancia
Ni tiempo
Lograran que te olvide… jamás
La forma en que me entregas
Tu calor
convierte mis miedos
En tu amor

A….limé…ntame
En Esplendor Divino
Envuélveme
Mi amor, por ti, no tiene fin, te amo asi
Vives en Miiiiii

¿Como Fue
Puerto Vallarta,
qué me enamore?
Descubrí
En Tu Belleza
El amor en mi

¿Como Fue
Puerto Vallarta,
que Te Pude Ver?
Y sentir
Sutil Etéreo
Descanso en ti

La brisa de tus mares — Me sonrió
Siluetas femeninas — Con Candor
Bellezas tan Divinas — Del Amor
Entretejen tus raíces dentro de mi

Con el tiempo sentimos
Todo lo que supimos compartir
Todo lo que vivimos al soñar
Un futuro infinito . . . por forjar

Ni distancia
Ni tiempo
Lograran que te olvide jamás
La forma en que me entregas
Tu calor
convierte mis miedos
En tu amor

La Distancia
Y el tiempo
hacen amar más intenso
Porque cuando estoy lejos de ti
Sueño en volver

A…limé…ntame
En Esplendor Divino
Envuélveme
Mi amor, por ti, no tiene fin, te amo asi
Vives en Miiiiii

Puerto Vallarta, Vallarta, Vallarta
Vives en mi
Envuelto en ti
Yo te amo
Yo te amo
Yo te amo
Así fue como yo me enamore de ti.

pv mexi

COMO FUE (How to say?)

How to say,
I came to see
the magic
In your face?
Open sea
Puerto Vallarta
A warm embrace

How to say,
Loving enchantment
And refreshing breeze?
Breathing in
Ethereal beauty
Fills me with peace

The ocean made me smile —with a wave
The women with their beauty —and their sway
Divinity in the people —just to love
The weaving of your heart
Within my Soul

My feet needing the grounding—in your sand
Your energy fulfilling —what I need
The vibrant hope that is
Deep in my Soul
Your loving Treasure

There’s no time
There’s no distance
That would get in the way of our bond
You saturate my body
With your warmth
Dissipating my fears
Into your love

Feed….me in your…embrace
Divinity in your splendor
Your caress
Stay with me
Keep me near
You live in me…

 

Collision

lost souls

Our Souls Collided
In the embracing sound
Of our written words
And I heard you…

Our Souls Collided
In Welcoming Joy
And Nothing Certain
And you felt me…

Our Souls Collided
Into Melting Love
And Overflowing Peace
Spilled on Purpose…

Our Souls Collided
In Such Surprise
And Fearful Blindness
And We Froze…
souls collide
Our Souls Collided
In Desperate Times
When we know nothing
And Our Moments Paused…

Our Souls Collided
In The Painful Warmth
Of Our Frozen Limits
Leaving Us Exposed…

Our Souls Collided
Waking Up Dreams
Of Untold Longings
And Our Logic Ignored…

Our Souls Collided
With No Return
To the Sleepy Darkness
Our Lights Are On…

Our Souls Collided
In Disagreement
Of Circumstances
Fully Ignored.
infinite

Angel Eyes

When Tender Love
Just comes and goes
The heart cracks open
The Soul reveals
The very lack of stillness

Your Angel Eyes
With Loving Light
Led me to see
That in one Embrace
Our very Souls collided

And that is when
That one memory
Of the last time I saw you
Next to me
Was exposing the sadness
With no return
I let you go in silence
 
And even when
That one memory
When I thought it was best
To set you free
I remembered the light
In your Angel Eyes
Would lead you
Back to me.
 

Ojos de Ángel

Cuando el amor
Viene y se va
Enciende llamas
Abre el corazón
Y nos deja sin calma

Con esa luz
De tu mirar
Pude sentir
Que tus ojos de Ángel
Vieron a mi Alma

Pero después
El recuerdo
De la ultima vez
Que te vi
Me lleno de nostalgia
Te dije adiós
Sin esperar mas nada

Y aunque después
De el recuerdo
Cuando yo pensé
Que te perdi
Vi como iluminaban
Tus ojos de Angel
Tu camino hacia mi
Hacia mi